Saturday, December 30, 2006


A friend of my youth, Katie Wolf, said something about beauty pageants that I still find amusing. I guess Donald Trump’s recent issues with his Miss Whatever made me think of it.

Katie said that when she and her schoolgirl friends would watch Miss America or Miss USA on TV, they would become concerned about the talent competition. What would be their “talents.”

They’d hate to get out on the stage and look stupid, like the contestants whose talent is singing but who really can’t sing.

What I find so charming is the assumption among the young girls that their beauty, when it got to that point, would easily qualify them for the finals. It was the talent part that concerned them.

When I was a nightwatchman at a college dorm, I got to know a girl resident who was the reigning Miss Omaha. Tight little body with big boobs, blond hair, and the clearest, most consistent complexion I have ever seen.

She'd sit at the front door with me sometimes as I checked IDs of kids coming in. She wasn’t really part of any clique, I think she was sort of to herself. She was very level headed. Her attitude was that beauty titles and all were just something that happened to people with looks like hers, no biggie.

What impressed me most was she said she was already a certified gemologist, something about part time jobs, or relatives in the business got her started.

She tried to explain some of the details about precious and semi-precious but I was too left wing to care about jewels. Now I’m a sucker for beautiful stones. The dancing slaves in my new musical will be clad only in strands of rice pearls, and diamond toe and finger rings.

And I tell Pud that if he really wants me to forgive him for saving my life, he’ll give my something nice from Van Cleef & Arpels, neat web site. Rubies are always appropriate.

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