DID YOU HEAR?

I abhor gossip. I abhor myself when I do it.

My parents were both outsiders. I’m sure my family was much gossiped about by the insiders on our block. For balance, I was assured that the good opinion of born-and-raised hicks had only limited value.

My folks enjoyed it when little Willie whined, “Why can’t we be like normal people?”

They’d laugh, and tease me, “Because we’re NOT normal people. We’re the Morrisseys.” Then they'd laugh at the frustration their answer elicited from me.

Anyway, a piece of gossip about our mayor has been reported in a supposedly progressive journal. The purpose of the not very “blind” item was to impugn the character of the mayor, and, basically, tell on him.

The unnamed mayor’s supposed sin? He got drunk and woke up the next morning in the bed of a young female who was not his official girlfriend.

Well tsk fucking tsk!

Progressives? Criticizing someone for having sex?

I think maybe we need to break this down.

If a mayor goes to a meeting where he signs a deal to build a big new Safeway in Bay View Hunters Point, then he gets drunk and goes home with a new girl to have sex—that's a GOOD MAYOR.

If a mayor goes to a meeting and signs a deal transferring millions of dollars in public assets to the Don Fisher Ego Foundation, then he gets drunk and goes home with a new girl to have sex—that's a BAD MAYOR.

Applying algebra, the drunk/sex part cancels out.

Please!

[Above, notorious drunk, Winston Churchill. Do we know enough about his sex life?]

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