BEARS: GOD HATES YOU

Jacob, helped by his mom, used lies and trickery to gain the leadership of the Jewish people.

Jacob obtained the birthright from Esau thusly: Esau had been out working so hard that he forgot to eat. On his way home he feels faint and sits down and then lays down, too weak to move. Along comes his non-identical twin brother, who asks what the problem is. Esau says he needs food to revive himself or else he’ll just lie there and die.

Jacob says he’ll bring his brother some food, but only if Esau gives Jacob his birthright as the first born. Esau figures better fed than dead and agrees. This is how Jacob got the birthright from his brother. Price gouging seems to be fine with God.

Then Jacob and his momma conspire to fool blind old Isaac into bestowing his blessing on Jacob, thinking he’s bestowing it on Esau. And God honors the outcome of this subterfuge!

We are told that God preferred Jacob because Jacob was smooth-skinned whereas Esau was hairy. Is this a little smarmy—like, if God were shipwrecked on a desert island, which brother would he prefer to have with him?

But wasn’t Esau’s seed's the true birthright? Whatever words were said, the fact of Esau’s birth-first cannot be changed. It's not surprising that the offspring of the swindler Jacob (name later changed by God to “Israel”) would claim in their Bible that God condoned this theft. However, Esau's offspring have an equal right to a version of events in which God disfavors the swindle, honors the rule of primogeniture, and blesses the offspring of Esau.

You know, they say that way back in the days of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and Esau, when God was practically a neighbor, that different rules applied. This is total bullshit. It was terrible for Jacob not to feed Esau, for nothing, no questions asked. And, as for God honoring the deception of Isaac, what the heck kind of God is that?

I’m sorry, but my God loves all his children equally, always has, always will. It’s one of the things that makes Him so groovy. And He doesn't like cheating and lying.

The Bible says God preferred Jacob from the gitgo. This is used to justify predestination, the idea that from birth God likes some people and brings them to heaven, and dislikes others and sends them to hell. No way to change God’s mind. This belief is held exclusively by rich assholes who think God likes them. Even God ain’t that stupid.

A really fun website is SkepticsAnnotatedBible.com. (This link takes you to the Jacob and Esau story --see Gen 25-25.) It has full modern translations of the Bible, Koran, and Book of Mormon, with marginal comments of a skeptical nature.

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