Friday, May 04, 2012


Time:  Near future.

Place: ATT Park, Giants' Press Room

Manager Bruce Bochy at the dais. Room jammed with reporters and cameras.

BOCHY: Thanks for coming.  Today we brought up a great young pitcher from double-A, Johnny Doe. He's got a live arm, and we need his live arm.

Young Johnny Doe moves to the microphone.

JOHNNY:  Thank you, sir.  I feel privileged to have a shot at the Major Leagues right out of high school. It's an amazing challenge.

There's a pause then Johnny continues:

JOHNNY: Please take note:  I am Gay. Completely, 100% Gay.

The silence shows how unexpected this was, then the reporters recover and start shouting question.

Tim Lincecum steps to the dais and leans into the microphone.

LINCECUM: Anyone have a problem with Johnny... you got a problem with me!

Tim hugs Johnny Doe and takes a place next to him, facing the reporters.

Angel Pagan moves to the microphone. He seems particularly intense.

PAGAN:  If anyone... anyone! has a problem with Johnny Doe, you got a problem with me!

And so it goes, through the entire Giants roster, the short speech, the embrace, then standing shoulder-to-shoulder.

Finally, after twenty-three repetitions, some pro-forma, some glowering, Bruce Bochy, returns to the microphone.

BOCHY:  Thanks for coming, we won't be taking any questions.

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