Friday, December 15, 2006

TEMPERAMENT

My mom’s scoliosis was an innate trait that affected her behavior.

A large part of my career was spent applying the discoveries of Skinner et al in behavior science to the world of corporate training. My boss was an “almost radical behaviorist.” Behaviorists ascribe all non-random responses to operant conditioning.

Behaviorists argue that little if anything is innate, and almost all responses are learned. There are obviously responses that are involuntary, such as breathing. It’s impossible to “hold my breath until I die.” Irises widen and narrow per lighting changes without our even thinking about it.

The two interactive responses which behaviorists admit to be innate are suckling and grasping. These responses would be considered “hard-wired.”

In my lifetime much progress has been made sorting out nature and nurture, or hard-wired versus learned. Much schizophrenia has been reclassified from a religious, or moral, or psychological condition, to one of neurochemistry.

Most schizophrenics don’t need exorcism or talk therapy, they just need to take their pills.

Non-behaviorists have investigated the perceived phenomena of innate personality traits. Through TV reports and general discussion I’ve been aware of this field of thought for some time, but for this blogpost I’m relying on Wikipedia and the other sites linked.

These psychologists have identified nine traits which they believe to be innate, or hard-wired, as in the following chart.



Other psychologists have grouped these nine traits (hard for anyone to remember them all) into three general types. A fourth type, which includes a third of the population, is “Other” or “mixed."


If this is true, it comes as a relief.

Our perceptions are correct, there actually are such things as “difficult” and “easy” babies.

The hard-wiredness of temperament removes responsibility from both parent and child.

A child isn’t difficult because of some shortcoming of the parents. And the child isn’t being “bad.” The child is difficult simply because some children are difficult. And, supposedly, there’s help available for raising difficult children.

The fact that smart people are looking into ways to help parents and their children to interact happily gives me a good feeling. Child development professionals tend to be tres sympatique at least as compared to, say, dieticians (sorry but it’s true). This guy for instance.


This website belongs to a shrink specializing in adoptive family relationships, who himself had a “difficult” child.


A nuclear physicist I worked for briefly, who was himself undistinguished in appearance, had pictures on his office walls of a beautiful wife and two good looking boy’s. When I complimented him on the photos he said matter of factly, “Yeah, the younger boy had some developmental issues, but now he’s ok.”

Lucky kid.

I see no reason why the hard-wiredness of temperament can’t eventually be modified medically, as we do with the hard-wiredness of schizophrenia.

Innate response styles must be caused by neurochemicals. While the field is in it’s infancy, we can expect neurochemistry to eliminate eventually the “difficult” child.

My friend says this is Brave New World.

----- o -----

Thursday, December 14, 2006

South Park -- The Difficult Child

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

THREE ADDITIONAL LINKS

I've added three political analysis links to the right column.
All three sites seem substantial, intellectually honest, and progressive, at least to my initial perusals. If you can guess to whom "the smirking chimp" refers, your name will be entered in a drawing for a fabulous prize.
Check'em out.

----- o -----

MOON OVER OBAMA?

Good old Alexander Cockburn! He just won’t let us progressives relax!




Here he pricks the bubble of hope Barack has created. Cockburn thinks it’s mere flatus.

He won’t let us dream. But REM sleep deprivation causes psychosis. We’re stuck.

----- o -----

INFECTION

That wheelchair guy and other great scientific minds are telling us that colonization of space is the only hope for survival of the human species.



They’ve done their calculations and charts and projections and conclude that the earth will be uninhabitable either because of nuclear war or because quickly doubling world population will fully consume or pollute earth’s life sustaining resources, soon.

We’ve fucked up planet earth, now let’s fuck up the rest of the universe.

Leaving planet earth in order to establish “civilization” elsewhere is like Ted Haggard, after getting fucked in the ass (pardon the harshness) and snorting a couple extra lines of crystal meth, going out and preaching against homosexuality.

If the human species can’t survive on this beautiful garden called earth, it doesn’t deserve to survive at all.

This is it. Last chance.

Pud thinks I’m getting rantious, but he can go fuck himself.

“Don’t worry,” Pud said calmingly, “the physics of space travel amount to a virtual quarantine of earthlings.

“To that extent you could say there actually is some sort of intelligent design. There certainly are other garden spots in the universe, but we physically can’t get to them, nor should we. It’s like an intergalactic public health measure.”

“So don’t worry,” Pud concluded, “we’re all gonna die here and take planet earth with us.”

That’s one reason I tolerate Pud, he knows how to cheer me up.

----- o -----

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

BURN, BABY, BURN


Augusto Pinochet introduced the usage of the word “disappear” as a transitive verb.

Now he’s going to get disappeared, in a flash.

According to AFP:

“Pinochet's remains will be cremated at an undisclosed location. His son has said the family do not want a burial because they fear Pinochet's enemies would vandalize his grave.”

Pud says, “No entity on earth, private or governmental, has the resources and/or desire to protect his grave. Hey, kid, doesn’t that tell you something?”

Another line that jumped out:

“The priest read a service for the general, a Roman Catholic who once said he had been called by God to lead Chile.”

Pud says, “Hey, Catholics, way to go!”
Poof!


----- o -----

Monday, December 11, 2006

A WELL MADE SONG

I gave the Elvis version, a 45rpm, to a friend, Christmas 1957. I was eight.

I like both versions posted below.

----- o -----

Elvis Blue Christmas [1957]

porky pig - blue christmas

CHRISTMAS EXCHANGE

Whatever Pud was on, I didn’t want any.

“Last year I asked for a Fra Angelico,” he said, “something small and portable, you know, one of those little wood panel thingies.





“When the data entry elf typed F-R, the computer auto-filled FRUITCAKE and the stupid elf accepted it. I wonder, in the history of the universe, has anyone ever asked Santa for a fruitcake?

“So I got a goddamn fruitcake!



“We all know that the Donner party resorted to cannibalism when they got snowed in by an unrelenting Sierra winter. Less well known is that the group had a dozen fruitcakes that went uneaten. ‘Why?’ you ask.

“So, I returned it with a nasty note. And you know what I got instead? A bottle of goddamn Frangelico.


“This is the worst liqueur ever produced (unless you include Benedictine, which is sold in some coutries as an industrial solvent).

“Remember when poor Kitty Dukakis was hospitalized after relapsing with rubbing alcohol? She was so desperate that the rubbing alcohol looked potable.

“I have it on good authority that in the house at the time there were two bottles of Frangelico. A discriminating drinker, Kitty went for the rubbing alcohol.

“This year I asked for a Picot.





“I’m hoping for a pie.”



----- o -----

HOORAY!



----- o -----

Sunday, December 10, 2006

RAMPAGE!

If a tort is tortious, then a rant is rantious. P.Wilson
Chicago this time. High rise. Attorney-targets. This story doesn’t give a clear death toll, but the perp, Joe Jackson, was one of them.

Joe felted that his main attorney-target had ripped him off on an invention-patent deal. Joe, thought of himself as having invented some sort of toilet arrangement thingie for trucks. Joe had a rap sheet: weapons, stolen vehicle, disorderly.

It is unknown if Joe had a successful track record as an inventor, or if the toilet thingie was his first.

So, chances are that the injustice Joe felt and attributed to the attorney-target could have been wholly imaginary or grossly exaggerated.

Conventional wisdom says that Joe’s action could never be justified. I certainly agree that the default response to felt injustice should not be violence.

But the flip side is impunity for wrongdoers.

School shootings that result from bullying are a clear example. Bullying at school can involve serious felonies that go unrecognized, conspiracy for example. When two kids act together to commit a crime, say vandalism or malicious mischief, that’s conspiracy. And conspiracy to commit a misdemeanor is a felony. And none of these crimes are ever prosecuted.

When a kid enters a public school the protections of criminal law are suspended.

What the fuck gives two kids the right to conspire to commit multiple crimes with the goal of making another kid’s life miserable?

Those bullies should be in jail and the authorities, civil, criminal, school, should defend the victim. Failing all that, what’s the victim to do?

The failure of school administrators to stop, and/or prosecute bullying is another example of people who want a regular paycheck but don’t want to do the difficult parts of their jobs. Lazy fat assholes

I’ll weep no tears for bullies.

And kids who get caught in the crossfire? Take your grievance to the school administrators. They knew there was a problem and they did nothing. And, if they didn’t know there was a problem, then they should resign because they’re fucking incompetent.

No, no, no. They’ll do anything, say anything, to protect their fucking paychecks.

Do we want people going out and killing for perceived injustices? No.

Do we want impunity for bullies? No.

BTW: I’ve been told that courtrooms are designed to protect the judge from violence coming from the litigants and spectators. That “bench” at which the judge sits is bulletproof. There’s always a “quick exit” door.

I knew a guy who headed the mortgage loan service organization for a bank in western Nebraska. He told me the floor plan of his office was designed with similar thought. Since my friend signed all the unpleasant notices, foreclosures, final demands, etc, his own office was as far from the public reception area as possible. He was completely aware that “all these farmers have guns.”

I don’t think my friend would intentionally cheat any loan customer, but he could be associated with a process some results of which could sometimes be perceived by some people as unjust.

When you consider the real, proven ripoffs, like Enron, I’m surprised that there aren’t more payback killings.

A necessary condition for peace is justice.
----- o -----

Saturday, December 09, 2006

THE GREATEST POET

Back in the Sixties SF State’s Poetry Center put on weekly poetry readings in the “Gallery Lounge,” a large open one story building, long since torn down. Having walls on which student art could be hung was the “gallery” part. The carpeting, which was more comfortable to lie or sit on than the bare concrete below it, qualified the venue as a “lounge.”

Very funky, very minimalist, I heard many of the best living poets read from the banged-up lectern.

One week the scheduled poet was a guy from Ireland who was brought to SF State for a semester to teach a graduate writing seminar. I think in the late 1960s it didn’t cost much to get an Irish poet to come to San Francisco. I imagine him sleeping on a cot in Mark Linenthal’s basement.

In his opening remarks the Irish poet mentioned the first meeting of his graduate level poetry-writing seminar. He said he began by asking the students, “Who is the greatest poet?

“And,” he said, “they all replied ‘Cavafy’.”

I can’t remember the Irish poet’s name. I certainly can’t remember any of his poetry. But, he was probably correct. Constantine Cavafy is the greatest twentieth century lyric poet in an Indo-European language.



Cavafy’s language and themes are a mixture of, or interaction between, the classic and demotic. A gay guy, sort of on the make in turn of the century Alexandria, Egypt, you can’t tell if his exploits are happening in 1910 AD or 510 BC.

I happened to be home with the TV on during Jackie’s funeral. When it came her long-time boyfriend’s turn to speak, he read a poem by Cavafy, Ithaca.

I think this qualifies as a “really good poem.”

I’m grateful to George Barbanis for putting this poem on his site.



ITHACA

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.


Constantine P. Cavafy (1911)


----- o -----

Friday, December 08, 2006

REPORT: PUD'S STUDY GROUP

James Baker’s Iraq Study Group report has already failed.

There is no particular change even suggested by the White House or by Congress.

Everyone’s wringing their hands. The official wisdom of TV punditocracy is that Iraq’s a mess, so we have to stay there and un-mess it. Exactly how long we stay there or how un-messed it has to be before we leave is still an open question.

In terms of strategy, or prognosis, this represents NO CHANGE.

The editorial board at SF WILLIE’S BLOG anticipated the ISG’s failure and so we commissioned our own Study Group, a blue ribbon panel headed by our own senior statesman, Pudinhand Wilson, which we’ve been calling “Pud’s Study Group.”

The ISG report from Baker et.al. had a long historical preamble explaining how the status quo obtained.

Pud’s Study Group report has a similar preamble, but reduced to two sentences:

The U.S. invasion of Iraq was a war crime, a crime against peace.

The continued presence of U.S. troops in Iraq is a war crime.


Whereas Baker’s report has seventy-nine recommendations, the PSG report has only one :

Immediate, complete, unconditional withdrawal of all U.S. and “coalition” troops from Iraq.

The PSG assumed that the press might have some difficulty "interpreting" the meaning of the recommendation, so they prepared the following FAQs:

Q. When should U.S. troops start withdrawing from Iraq?
A. Immediately, right now, without delay.

Q. How many, what proportion of U.S. troops should be withdrawn?
A. All of them, 100%, no exceptions.

Q. What should the U.S. demand in return for its withdrawal from Iraq?
A. Nothing.

The editorial board has studied the report, in full, and has endorsed it unanimously.

This is the first time in the history of SF WILLIE’S BLOG that the board has agreed on anything. Pud says that makes it ex cathedra.

Summary

SFWILLIE’S BLOG urges the immediate, complete, unconditional withdrawal of all U.S. and “coalition” troops from Iraq.


----- o -----

O HOLY NIGHT

I love this Christmas carol. I used to think it was French, because of the radical bridge, but I’m learning it’s probably Scandanavian.

Even the world’s leading Narcissist, Eric Cartman, shows repect for this beautiful song.

I like this clip because it brings up the conundrum I dealt with when I was Cartman’s age: If Christmas is Jesus’ birthday, then why is Santa bringing presents to me?

There’s some sort of metaphor thingie going on but logically there’s no reason why I or other kids should be receiving presents on Christmas.

I, like Cartman, gave up on this puzzle. Since I was the beneficiary of the illogicality I had no interest in running the question to ground.

When Cartman thanks Jesus for being born, his gratitude is completely sincere.

BTW: Even professional singers tend to “cup” the high note in this song. Cartman hits it dead on. It might be a little screechy but the intonation is great.

This is Eric Cartman on his very best behavior.

----- o -----

South Park - Cartmans Christmas Song

Thursday, December 07, 2006

U.S.: USED UP

Pud’s going to book passage to South America “after the first of the year.”

“The U.S. is used up,” he said.

“Venezuela has it all—a socialist government, oil up the wazoo, and, my beloved soul-tribe the Yanomami.”

“Pud,” I said, “there are many tribes included in the term Yanomami.”

“You fucking well know what I mean!", he shouted.

“Chavez has brains, the earth provides resources, and the soul? That’s where the Yanomami come in. But they are under attack. They need your help now, President Chavez, please protect them."

Pud has discovered YouTube. He insists I post the follow clip. Pud calls it Beauty and the Beast. He says its a punishment session, for the more indigenous person’s failure to sit up straight!

----- o -----

Yanomami Bible Translation

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

VIVA CHAVEZ!

The entire crew at SFWILLIE’S BLOG congratulates Hugo Chavez on his re-election to the Presidency of Venezuela.



While we are generally leftist, Chavez became our special hero just recently when he spoke to the U.N., one day after George Bush had addressed that body.

One definition of poetry is utterance in which sound and sense are one. Another aspect of poetry is that it points out truths so obvious that no one had noticed them before, or at least stated them.

We think Hugo Chavez’ utterance below meets both criteria. Do we agree with what he says? Absolutely.

Viva Chavez!

[Sorry about the CNN crap preceding the U.N. clip.]

----- o -----

Chavez at UN

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

AL J: IF YOU DARE

I was talking with a graphics-interested friend the other day and I recommended he check out the Al Jazeera site. I think the black and white photos create an unusual effect.

He said he didn't want to access the site from his own computer because he was afraid DHS was tracking its visitors.

So here's a screen capture:

----- o -----

FUNERAL PLANS



Apparently Satan’s emissary to Chile, Augusto Pinochet, has stepped back from death’s door. This is good. The longer he lingers in a state of pain and incapacity the better.


It is also necessary to the interests of justice that prosecutions against the mass murderer continue. His death should take place in a prison. Also, all of the money he plundered should be located and returned to the Chilean treasury, and his family should be stripped of all assets associated with their international pariah paterfamilias.

Chile’s current president, whose father was tortured and murdered by Pinochet, is ultimately responsible for any state funeral that may be provided the former dictator. When asked, her spokesperson said, “It’s in bad taste to talk about funerals when somebody is still alive.”

“Bad taste, that’s my department!” Pud chimes in.

“I would make it a simple, dignified state funeral,” Pud says.

“I always liked the mule-thing they did for MLK. We should go with that.

“We strip Pinochet’s body bare, except we CrazyGlue that comic opera cocked hat to his head. We hitch him up to a pair of mules and drag him through the streets of Santiago—through rich neighborhoods, through the financial district.

“Then, in the main public square, we toss his body in a pen of ravenous dogs.

“Then, after the feast, the remaining bone splinters will be gathered up and sold on eBay , the proceeds going to the legal expenses of Chileans who wish to sue Pinochet’s estate for damages.

“It’s easy and cheap, a couple of mules, some glue, maybe a couple of snare-drummers, the dogs are free, and with pay-per-view and other marketing it’ll probably be a real money maker.”

“But Pinochet is small fry compared to the guy who put him in power in the first place,” Pud says. “What’ll we do with Henry Kissinger’s body”



“You’re being harsh,” I told Pud, “it’s bad karma.”

“You want harsh?” he exclaimed. “Harsh is what they did to Ceausescu. He was the Romanian dictator who created all those touch-deprived orphans. Cuckoo! He and Vlad the impaler put Transylvania on the map. The place is just spooky, like Texas.



“Old Ceausescu and his wife were caught trying to sneak out of town. The rebels executed them on Christmas Day, and announced that their deaths were a ‘Christmas gift to the country.’

“Completely well deserved,” Pud said, “but, yeah, maybe a teense harsh. Deservedly harsh.”

----- o -----

Monday, December 04, 2006

MORE XMAS SPIRIT from South Park

PUD DANCES

Pud is not vindictive; he’s too lazy. See Grave Pissing, for instance. But he does enjoy a little vindication now and then; as we all do.

Pud went on record, in an eighth-grade essay, saying slouching was natural and sitting up straight was stupid.

Forty-five years later, science has confirmed Pud’s assertion, he is ecstatic, and he expresses himself in dance, er, song and dance.



When Pud “dances” he’ll choose a phrase, today it was “I told you so,” and use it, repeatedly, over and over, as the lyrics to some familiar tune; today’s tune was the Canadian national anthem.

As he sings he dances, sort of abstract free form, it looks like tai chi, except jerkier, and the space he fills up is the entire room, plus adjoining rooms if any.

He must have gone through the tune twenty times; one verse he performed with a swiffer thingie and got every cobweb in the house. One go-through would be canonic, the next highly melismatic.

He did a series of four verses, each of which was a single melisma on one of the words. So we heard O Canada sung through with just the word “I,” then again with just the word, “told,” and so on.

Costume changes on-the-fly, lighting changes, a whole mini-production, this is what Pud lives for. It makes me happy just to see him so happy. He’s like a four or five year-old, which I fear was probably the apex of his career.

When he finally stopped and I pointed out all the cockamamie contrarian assertions he’s made that haven’t proved true. “It’s luck,” I said, “like a hole-in-one.”

Pud just scowled, gave me the finger, and performed another five rounds. Good for him.

Well past the age of eighty my mom got news from a radiologist looking at full torso films: my mom had pronounced scoliosis, curvature of the spine, which was a congenital condition.

One of the themes of my mom’s childhood was being told to sit up straight. Her continued failure to sit up straight was judged by her parents to indicate some moral defect, or just stubbornness. Why wouldn’t Loretta just sit up straight?

The scoliosis news provided some vindication for my mom, if somewhat belatedly. There was nothing wrong with her character, there was something wrong with her back.

This is a happy benefit of science’s slog into darkness: conditions thought to come from moral defect are shown to have physical causes.

Stomach ulcers, for instance, were thought to be caused by stress and/or diet with behavior modification (reduce stress, eat bland) as the usual prescription. Then, in the last thirty years, researchers discovered that 80% of stomach ulcers are caused by bacteria, for which effective medicinal interventions were available.

People who sit up straight are creepy. There’s a kind of office-girl (and office-boy) whose back never touches the back of the chair during an hour-long boring presentation around a conference table.

Sitting up straight makes them look proper, and alert, and attentive, when in fact their attention is consumed by the back pain that only increases in severity as the speaker drones on.

It’s a kind of pretend. It’s almost like they’re holding they’re breath till the ordeal is over.

But not just office girls, but yogis and ballet dancers and gymnasts, with their straight backs, make me uncomfortable.



TV footage of fairly primitive Amazonian tribes shows them lying around in hammocks all day, or sitting in the ground slumped forward over their work. Verticality is the exception, and is always purposeful.

“I’m a Yanomami!” Pud exclaims.

This is the least dangerous delusion Pud has had in weeks, so I let it slide.

----- o -----

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Friday, December 01, 2006

I SWEAR, ON A STACK OF . . .

So our newly elected first Muslim congressperson wants to put his left hand on the Koran as he takes the oath of office.


Considering the number of congresspeople going or gone to jail and or to disgrace, the Bible hasn’t worked that well, so, I figure, why not try alternatives?

Others disagree. HuffPo points to an amusing appeal from old Don Wildmon (will he ever die?) to protest this attack on our Judeo-Christian (i.e. Christian) way of life.



By the time I get to congress this issue will be worked out and each congressperson will swear on whatever book, or for that matter object, he or she chooses.

I’m going to swear on the OED, the thirteen volume edition from my childhood. I would be dedicating my tenure to the idea that words mean something . . . something!

----- o -----

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

THREE SOUTH PARK CLIPS

Today I played tennis with a liberal writer/historian who had never heard of South Park.

So that got me experimenting with You Tube etc.

Enjoy.

----- o -----

South Park - Merry Fucking Christmas - Uncut

south park: Scientology

southpark all about mormons

Sorry, no longer available due to copyright issues.

Poem: DATE

DATE

A pomegranate on the wall,
An orange juice bottle prominent
On the coffee table, his talk,
Of marijuana pancakes,
“Imagine,” he said, “pancakes!”
And on his head in curls
Brown hair, he spooned my first taste
Of halvah from a bright blue can.

© Copyright 2006 William Morrissey All Rights Reserved

Monday, November 27, 2006

Sunday, November 26, 2006

MY GOOD NAME

I’m grateful to my parents for giving me a normal name: William George. Also, my brother got a normal name: Michael Joseph.

I mentioned this to my mom and she said it had been a concern; she and my dad did not want to burden their kids with unusual names that could draw teasing in the early grades of school.



Three of those four names were associated with relatives or cronies. I think both of my names packed double whammies. Once my mom cautioned me that there were two Williams out there, one my godfather, the other an uncle by marriage, who both thought I was named after them.

Joseph was my dad’s name. Michael was the unattached name. I think they chose it because it’s so normal and so strong.

We Catholics are supposed to be named after Catholic saints. Anyway, there was for me the idea that one’s name connected one to famous people in history with the same name.

For instance, William the Conqueror, Saint George the dragonkiller, Michael the Archangel, Joseph and Mary.

Actually, the story of St Joseph, husband of Mary and stepfather to Jesus doesn’t sound like much fun. I wonder if poor St Joseph’s predicament has ever been used to satirize the Christ story.

But before him, another Joseph got a coat of many colors, and pissed his brothers way off. And he went to Egypt, too. [These poor Jews with asses and foot power made it to Egypt on a regular basis and our fucking president-to-be couldn’t hop a 707 to Europe. – P. Wilson.]




People tell me I look a little like William III, above.

What made me think of this was the heartbreaking picture of two young boys who went missing on a Native American reservation. The older one was four years old with big plump cheeks; his name was Tristin.

The first Google hit says it’s related to “Tristan,” the Arthurian knight of the Tristan and Isolde story, and it might have the word for “sad” as its root. They say it’s a boy’s and girl’s name.

I think that was a criterion for my folks: the name had to clearly indicate the sex of the child.

Then there’s the boy-named-Sue approach, or the ancestral approach which propagates Clarences and Sebastians and Aloysiuses. A name is something worth fighting for.

The second syllable of Sebastian is very harsh to an English speaker’s ear. And there aren’t good diminutives. And St Sebastian is the guy with all the arrows stuck in him so homoerotically.

One of the great names from the history of baseball is Tris Speaker.




The name Tristam didn’t get in the way of a lifetime .344 average. So I guess I’m full of shit.

One of the funniest things I ever said was at work in UCSF’s Accounting Office. A young, shy, first-generation Chinese American girl was very pregnant with her first child and would soon be on leave.

“Faye,” I said, “I’ll give you ten dollars if you’ll name your son “Bill.”

She had to think for awhile (to realize I was joking) before she smiled and shook her head, no.

“Ok,” I said, “a hundred dollars.”

It’s true, though, we’ll have a president named Barak, long before we ever have one named “Timothy,” or “Tristin.”

----- o -----

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

FALL NOTES

WHO’S TO BLAME?

Major life changes, such as changing jobs, changing domiciles, the loss of loved ones, are usually stressful. Such changes put unusual and possibly difficult tasks on one’s to-do list.

If these changes are unwelcome or unexpected, one can react by blaming the people who precipitate the changes. One thus avoids or ignores the undesirable new tasks on one’s to-do list and expends energy in recrimination and bitterness. I know this from personal experience.

Whether or not someone else is to blame, such major changes really are a normal part of life.

A lesbian teammate cried on my shoulder one evening. She’d been dumped unexpectedly by her girlfriend of eight years. “I thought this was it,” she said, “that me and Jane would be together the rest of our lives.”

It seems to me such an attitude comes from willful ignorance. There is so much in our literature that cautions against such illusion, while advocating the enjoyment of good things while they last.

The notion of achieving a state of lasting earthly happiness is something we hate to give up, but it’s certainly not something we can reasonably expect.

Job loss? Lots of blame and bitterness.

Death of a loved one? Who would have thought?

Hurricane? Shake your faith in God.

The Greeks had it right: Let no man count his life happy, until he is dead.



LEARNING FROM LIT


When I was young and timid I witnessed the sexual chaos that accompanies the end of long cold Lincoln, Nebraska winters.

Among my college age peers there was experimentation, and cheating, and finding out the hard way about the grim dynamics of relationships.

Once I complained to my shrink about all the unnecessary pain and hurt feelings. “The outcomes seem so obvious,” I said, “Don’t these people read novels?”

My shrink couldn’t help himself, “No, Willie,” he said, “some people want to experience life first-hand.”

Cheap-o punch line, but not completely errant.


SICK LEAVE

When my dad retired at age 67 from a 20-year career at CPS, he had a month or more of accumulated unused sick leave.

His peers at work, who were senior management, encouraged my dad to use the sick leave as an extra month of salary.

My dad wouldn’t do it. It was a big deal. He said he wouldn’t take sick leave because he wasn’t sick.

His colleagues thought he was crazy.

My choice of lump-sum cash out at retirement meant that my unused sick leave just went away (if I’d taken a monthly pension, unused sick leave would have been factored in).

I had only about 50 hours of sick leave accumulated. It was so low because of the five weeks of family leave I’d taken when my mom was dying.

People encouraged me to use the sick leave up, which would have meant lying. I didn't bother.


SHOOT ME FIRST

Pud and I felt really bad about the Amish schoolhouse massacre. But we sensed a painful contradiction.

Our hearts go out especially to the Amish because they’re so simple, and gentle, and good.

We were disturbed by the reports that the teachers and other adults in the school, along with the boy-students, obeyed the gunman and exited the schoolhouse—LEAVING THE GIRL STUDENTS BEHIND!

As Pud put it, “They fucking skee-daddled!”

Later, when the gunman’s intent became clear, one of the girl-students told him, “Shoot me first.”

“Now that’s Amish,” Pud said.


VIVALDI CORN

Call me corny, but I think Vivaldi was a great melodist. Many of his slow movements make me cry. They are so simple and clear, the tensions build so gradually, the resolutions are so inevitable, it’s hard to believe I fall for it, but I do.

This afternoon, in a moment of repose, I heard a Vivaldi sonata played by guitar and organ, a strange pairing with some unexpected sonorities.

The middle movement was so beautiful that once again I misted up.

Then I thought of a friend of mine who is still struggling with the effects of childhood abandonment. I wondered if he could feel the same way about the Vivaldi piece.

I pictured myself playing it for him, trying to share the profound sense of well being it imparts.

In my thought-experiment I imagined my friend unable to relax and “get into” the music. He probably couldn't have stayed still for more than a few bars. I imagine that the emotional dissonance drowns out a lot of stuff.

When I thought of this unavailability, I cried actual tears.

Those three words, “Shoot me first,” are sweeter than any melody ever written.

----- o -----

Friday, November 17, 2006

FAILURE TO BONE UP

Pud returned from his annual checkup with a rant (surprise!).

“The goddamn doctor offered me Viagra!

“I told him, ‘Doctor, that ain’t my problem. Actually it’s the opposite. Since I was ten I’ve been trying to get the thing to go down, but with only limited, temporary success.’

“One of the problems of human nature is that during their most productive years men tend to think with their dicks. Supposedly, as we grow older, some of the thought process shifts to our brains. This is why it’s sort of a cliché to seek advice from older people.

“So they see the boomers approaching the transition from dick-thought to brain-thought and they find that unacceptable.

“So they put the best minds to work to develop a hard-on pill. The world is being destroyed by the ever burgeoning human population, and what do they determine we need? –more sex!




“It’s difficult to focus on the historic Sunni-Shia rivalry when you have a four-hour erection!

“You know,” Pud concluded, “ the Puritans’ witch-burning thing--not so much wrong, just futile.”

----- o -----

AND MORE LIES

A standard instruction allows jury members, when they believe a witness has lied about one material fact, to discount all of that witness’ testimony.

It’s common sense. If a person lies to you once, you can’t trust them not to lie to you again.



It’s disheartening to catch someone in a lie, not because of some moral outrage, but because it means that future statements by that person will require some scrutiny and verification, which is unwanted work.

So, Americans have seen demonstrated in recent months that leaders of major corporations lie, and can’t be trusted. Leaders of major religions, both traditional and emergent, are liars and can’t be trusted.

And our president and his administration, it’s finally dawning on the American people, actually did lie knowingly to justify an illegal, birdbrained invasion.

Thousands of humans killed and maimed.

Thousands of humans killed and maimed.

Rush Limbaugh admits lying about his views on political issues in order to “carry the water” of the Republican regime.

I know, ho-hum, gambling at Ricks… but what about the 50% of Americans who are of below average intelligence? They rely on smart people to help them figure things out. Tell them to go kill Iraqis, and they’ll actually do it. Lying to them is a sin.

They are bewildered. Who can they believe?


----- o -----

POWER IS RADIOACTIVE

The old “power corrupts” saying tells us that even good people, once they acquire power, become corrupt.

The idea of term limits seems to be aimed at this problem.



Cincinnatus is certainly an example of an uncorrupted power-wielder. He got in and out.

The image is of Chernobyl after the accident. Some workers volunteered to go in and accept death. But most, I think, went in for very brief stints, so that the radiation dose wouldn’t kill them.

Like D.C.


----- o -----

Monday, November 13, 2006

LIES LIES LIES

Early reports of exit polling puts corruption at the top of voters’ concerns, just above the war in Iraq. Starting with Bush’s best friend, Ken Lay’s exposure and conviction and the other big biz financial scandals, through Tom Delay, Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff, ending up with Mark Foley, the flow of corruption became an avalanche.





Possibly the final nail was the revelation that the leader of Bush’s Evangelical base was a closet gay drug abuser.

A few days before the election we were able to compare the integrity of Ted Haggard to the integrity of a (former) drug-involved gay prostitute. Mike Jones even admitted that he timed the revelation to affect the election (including anti-gay Colorado initiatives).

Even members of Haggard’s megachurch, have reportedly thanked Mr Jones for exposing a problem, for which the reverend can now get help.

Karl Rove mentions the Haggard scandal as one of the contributors to the rout. Most lefties are ignoring the exit polls regarding corruption. They say it’s Iraq, Iraq, Iraq.

But our invasion of Iraq is itself a scandal. We were lied to about the reasons for going into Iraq. We still haven’t been told the honest truth about that.

Their annual reports are lies. Their state of the union messages are lies. Their assignment of priests are based on lies. Their oaths of office are lies. Their sermons are lies.

And the media’s incredulity is a lie.

Nobody likes to be lied to, at least not about important things, for instance the safety of one’s life-savings, or the reason one’s son was sent to die in combat.

So, the Republicans were turned outof office, not because they are war criminals and torturers (which they are), or thieves (certainly) but because they’re such goddamned liars. How “quaint.”

----- o -----

Sunday, November 05, 2006

ETERNAL DAMNATION

My friend, Pudinhand Wilson, is worried.

“If I go to hell for being gay,” he asked, “will I have to hang out with that creepy minister from Colorado?”

“Pud,” I reassured him, “if there were a God you’d be dead. If there were a hell, you’d already be there.”

“Thanks,” he said, “I forgot.”

----- o -----

Friday, November 03, 2006

SEX WORK

So another rightwing Christian leader gets caught consorting with a male prostitute. It would still be news, but less juicy, if the prostitute had been female. Seems anymore it has to be gay or underage for anyone to care.



As an opponent of sex-fun in general and gay sex especially, Rev Ted Haggard is disgraced as a hypocrite.

Lost in this is his utter failure of pastoral duty.

When a Christian minister meets a prostitute, the minister’s response should be to help the prostitute find a better line of work, not to ask, “How much?”

The larger question for me is the dignity of sex work in general. Prostitution seems like a default source of income, when nothing else is available, and it beats dieing of starvation. But that’s probably not always the case

I think I wouldn’t enjoy having sex with people not of my choosing. But I can imagine how someone could find it more fun and rewarding than flipping burgers.

My mom used to say, “Young people think it’s all about sex. Gradually you learn that it’s really about power.”



The reported male prostitute in Denver, Mike Jones (I used to know a Mike Jones), who reportedly has audio tapes of the minister, is probably a nice man with diverse interests who does prostitution as a sideline and could survive without it; at this moment he has a lot more power than the disgraced minister.

BTW: Reports say Mike is 49, and still selling it? You go, girl!

----- o -----

PUD'S GP LIST GROWS

Pud was glad to see that PW Botha had finally died. “How do these evil fucks live so long?” he asks. Then answers himself, “Because they know what’s coming when they die.”



Pud was clearly overwhelmed by the idea of a flight to “South fucking Africa.”

“Maybe you don’t have to piss on Botha’s grave, Pud,” I suggested, “Maybe this obituary from the Guardian does the job for you. Check it out.”

PW BOTHA

Dan van der Vat
Thursday November 2, 2006
The Guardian


PW Botha, who has died aged 90, ruled South Africa under apartheid for 11 years until 1989, and was gradually exposed during his long decline as one of the most evil men of the 20th century, committed to state terrorism, war and murder to thwart black majority rule.


Pud seemed genuinely relieved. “Thanks,” he said, “I can’t tell you what a good feeling it gives me to read that.”

----- o -----

Thursday, November 02, 2006

INDEX OF POSTS

I've created a list of previous posts on this blog. For now it has only dates and titles. To access this list, click the INDEX link in the right sidebar.

from: MY LITERARY EDUCATION

It took only a few days for me to discover that I wasn’t the smartest kid in the freshman class at St Ignatius. I wasn’t even the smartest kid in my alphabetically derived group of forty known as Class 1D. I did well enough as a freshman, however, to be put in the “honor class” for the remaining three years.

The honor class comprised the forty smartest kids out of a freshman class of 280, so, the top 15%. Considering that SI was the most academically rigorous of San Francisco’s three Catholic boys high schools, there were some really smart kids in the honor class.

The honor curriculum included two years of Homeric Greek, while the other kids got Spanish instead, and four years of Latin, instead of just two. This exposure to the classics, pagan classics, is the platform from which I’ve taken my literary dive.

When you ask me what a word means I immediately think etymology. Not that I’m a scholar, I’m a non-scholar, but I’m a non-scholar of the Classics. I pick up stuff by osmosis.

In the first week of Sophomore year in the honor class, we received an English assignment, to write a Shakespearian sonnet, the subject didn’t matter but it had to be iambic pentameter, the standard rhyme scheme, and three quatrains and a couplet.

When Mr McCurdy returned the graded sonnets he asked one kid to stand and read his aloud. I was astounded. This kid, Don Casper, had written his sonnet in Latin! A perfect Shakespearian sonnet, but in Latin! This was a another good hint to me that I was out of my depth. When the teacher asked him to tell the class what grade he had received, Don’s face reddened, “An F,” he said. The point was that this was English class, not Latin class. Whoa!

Anyway, I quickly became a role-player. It turns out I had a decent ear, so the elite students enjoyed my writing, and my, even then, skewed world view. And I filled, in a very mild way, the role of class clown.

In Sophomore English class I sat at the front of the room. Mr McCurdy would start each session reviewing a word from the previous night’s reading assignment. His first question was always, “Who can tell us the etymology of this word.”

My hand would always shoot up enthusiastically, and Mr McCurdy would call on me. Most of the time I had no idea of the etymology, so I would make something up. In addition to identifying the Latin or Greek root, we were supposed to give its “principle parts.” I would model my answers on highly irregular verbs and nouns.

Mr McCurdy: The word is “consist.” Who can tell us the root of the word “consist”? Mr Morrissey?

sfwillie: Yes, Mister. It comes from the Latin verb sist. The principle parts are sistor, sistex, sistivi sum. It means to act in the capacity of a sister.

The class would laugh and groan while I feigned hope that my “guess” had been correct.

Mr McCurdy: Wrong. Can somebody help Mr Morrissey out?

Then I’d punch the air, or slap my forehead, to show my supposed disappointment, and flop back in my seat deflated. I guess people enjoyed it, because it became ritual. Of course, every once in a while I’d actually know the correct answer, in which case the class would erupt in applause and I’d take a deep bow.

That year the really smart kids amused themselves by composing sentences in Latin, which when read aloud, made sense in English.

Anyway, the honor class rendered me completely comfortable about my own enormous ignorance. I have a younger-brother strategy. I hang around people who are smarter than me or know more than me, ask questions, and keep my ears open.

----- o -----

Monday, October 16, 2006

Some SEX-EC

DEBT IN VENICE

Recently I attended a one-man stage adaptation of Thomas Mann’s Death in Venice. As theater it was a surprising success, but only because, like the novella itself, it was presented as a toss-off—eighty minutes, no intermission—not a complete evening of dramatic entertainment.

I saw it maybe three weeks before the Congressman-Foley-chasing-after-teenage-pages-scandal broke. Too bad. I’d like to see the actor going on about Tadzio’s godlike beauty, against the background of Foley’s take-your-boxers-off IMs. Could he keep a straight face, so to speak?





When I first read the book and then saw the movie, I was a coming-out-gay leftist English lit major. I saw the moral of the story as simple, and comic: Fuck when you’re young—don’t become a pathetic old man following young boys through the streets.

Now, after thirty years of not thinking much about it, I have to agree with my earlier assessment It’s a simple cautionary tale regarding age-appropriateness. Aschenbach’s predicament in Venice balances the inappropriate choices he made in childhood.

Rather than pursue pleasure in play and companionship in his youth, activities for which he felt inadequate, Aschenbach became a loner and grinder, achieving academic excellence not though brilliance but by dull lead-assedness. His literary achievement, Mann tells us, was substantial but mediocre. The only thing notable in his style was impeccableness, as opposed to, say, verve.

So, in his sixties, when vague impulses draw him to a vacation alone in Venice, he sees and develops a crush on a fourteen year old boy. The overwhelming effect on Aschenbach makes him think that there is something very special about the boy, Tadzio. Aschenbach gushes, mentally, just like an adolescent girl with her first major crush, on “the most beautiful boy in the world.” Tadzio “rises godlike” from the waves of the Adriatic.

There is nothing wrong about this experience and response, we’ve all gone through it, but it’s supposed to happen around age 13 or 14 or 15, not 62. By the time a man reaches his sixties, he should know that the response, “that’s the most beautiful (boy, girl, man, woman) in the world,” is common and fleeting.

The climax of the story comes when Aschenbach utters the words, regarding but not to Tadzio, “I love you.” And, Aschenbach knows, the words are completely appropriate, except they’re uttered fifty or so years too late.

Aschenbach dies, never having touched or even spoken to Tadzio. There is a kind of perfection in this, that could be called tragic. It’s like the lovers on Keat’s Grecian Urn who will always love but never kiss, and never, presumably, smell each other’s farts.

The inability or failure to form a relationship with a perfectly beautiful person can be thought tragic. But consider the disappointment consequent to actually forming such a relationship. I think of the serious young doctor marrying the mayor’s daughter, “a perfection of blondness,” in Middlemarch.

The young doctor found that sexual possession of a beautiful object was entirely possible, but that while being perhaps a necessary condition for happiness, it was certainly not sufficient.

The human species is so successful due at least in part to it’s extraordinary sex drive. A human male, when it comes right down to it, will fuck almost anything. Human females love their offspring beyond all else.

Human sex drive is so strong it crushes us. Aschenbach thought he could avoid it entirely. But Eros’ due could not be denied. Aschenbach paid his debt in Venice.


BTW: In the stage presentation, the actor would shift into the voices of those with whom Aschenbach interacted. I realized that throughout the story Aschenbach talks only with members of the serving classes or occupations—gondoliers, hotel managers, barbers, travel agents, etc. He never speaks with a peer. And he never speaks, or is directly acknowledged by Tadzio, except by glances, never, say, a head nod. This seems odd to me.

The story makes more sense if we assume that Aschenbach is felled by a stroke or something, back in Munich when he encounters the red-haired man with the rucksack, from which he never regains consciousness. The trip to Venice is Aschenbach’s deathbed dream.



TRADE IN D.C.

In his first throes of love, Aschenbach tries to think what kind of relationship he could possibly form with Tadzio, and he considers two paradigms from Greece, Zeus’ “rape” of Ganymede, and Socrates’ relationship with Phaido.





At one point Aschenbach approaches Tadzio from behind and is about to touch his shoulder and speak to him for the first time but Aschenbach gets heart-flutteringly weak in the knees and pulls back. He is not Zeus. He is not Socrates. Why would Tadzio want to interact with Aschenbach?

Tadzio, as we see him in the novella, has no male-adult contact. The father is absent. Tadzio would probably enjoy some supportive, fatherly attention from a kindly grown-up man, but Aschenbach, stupefied by physical attraction, is much needier than Tadzio. Nope, it just can’t work.

What we see in the Mark Foley hit-on-pages scandal is an alternative to true love called “trade.” This was a pre-Stonewall gay term of art I heard when I was coming out. It’s was used to describe a class of potential sex partners, who were “not gay” but were more than willing to engage in gay sex in exchange for some non-sexual valuable consideration. I heard terms like young trade, butch trade, rough trade.

Foley, apparently, was looking for male pages who wanted help along their career paths. Association with a sitting congressman could be extremely helpful for a young person with certain ambitions. Some pages could experience revulsion at Foley’s first innuendos. At the other end, some pages might already have a crush on Rep Foley. In the middle we might find pages who would put up with a certain amount of sex-talk, or even sex acts, in return for the congressman’s attention. That’s trade.

Foley’s activity is called “sexual harassment on the job.” It’s against the law and it’s against the golden rule, regardless of the ages of the people involved.




The most pathetic line in the revealed communications is Foley asking a page, “do I turn you on?” And the page replies, “a little.” Hey, Mark, if you have to ask, the answer is “no.” Foley has been mocked by comparison to Austin Powers sticking out his plaid-polyester-clad butt to his lovely costar and asking her if that turns her on.

Needless to say, this is not a question Zeus would ever pose to Ganymede, nor Socrates to Phaido.


----- o -----

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

ERRATUM, NOT!

The defensive scramble we see in the GOP House leadership’s offices is nothing compared to the turmoil in Pud’s fact-check “mill” this last week. Forget about middle-aged politicians hitting on 16 year-olds, which has been going on at least as long as gambling at Rick’s. SFWILLIE’S BLOG was charged last week with MAKING A MISTAKE!

Apparently a new reader had nothing better to do than to put the entire archive of SFWILLIE’S BLOG under painstaking scrutiny. Our new reader’s effort produced news that is both good and bad: he found one factual mistake (alleged), in a June '06 post regarding zero (much ado about nothing).

As CEO of this enterprise, I was pleased with this result—even gold glovers make errors. But Pud was upset beyond belief.

To his credit Pud took full responsibility. “It’s my fault for hiring these incompetent assholes,” he said, referring to his fact-check crew. “You get what you pay for,” Pud said in disgust when I mentioned that his fact-checkers don’t get paid. “But I gave them business cards,” Pud exclaimed, “and a reason to live. In Oz, a business card’s as good as an occupation.”

It’s true, Pud’s three fact-checkers are old, decrepit, and mostly depressed. Their major qualification, according to Pud, is that they answer their phones. And Pud is right, they do enjoy the charade. “And no one will accuse me of hitting on these subordinates.”

So Pud called a meeting (actually he took them out to lunch), and read them his standard riot act “…Fact-checking is more than spell-checking, etc…” Pud returned elated!

“We weren’t wrong! Arabic numerals WERE invented by the Arabs. The story that Arabic numerals, especially zero, come from India is a Nazi lie! The German pre-eminence in classical studies was turned to the service of the Thousand Year Reich in a despicable intellectual ripoff .

“The Germans have a reputation for valuing precision and detail. Numbers are important to them. They wanted to kill all Jews, for instance, but they wanted to know exactly how many that was.

“Just as Hitler had to obliterate knowledge of his own Jewish ancestry, so too, he couldn’t stand the idea that the numbering system which was to quantify the glory of his Reich was invented by Jews, well, Semites. So he put his Nazi scholars to work.

“And what did the Nazi scholars come up with? They ‘discovered’ that Arabic numerals, especially zero, weren’t invented by Semites (Arabs) after all.
“And guess who the Nazi scholars say DID invent so-called Arabic numerals especially zero? The ARYANS (Indians). Surprise, fucking surprise!

“So it’s bullshit, just more blond haired blue eyed Euro-fascist bullshit. Of course the Arabs invented Arabic numerals. Duh!

Pud actually took a bow.

“My fact-checkers are geniuses. I should give them a raise!”

“So, Pud,” I asked, “how did you find out about this Nazi plot to alter history?”

“Oh,” he replied, “it’s just a theory. But history is just theory.”

“But you’re accusing lots of researchers and scholars of being Nazis. You can’t really mean that.”

“Ok,” Pud said, “’Euro-centric’. But let’s face it, Nazism is just an extreme manifestation of Euro-centrism.

“And,” Pud concluded, “Arabs already hate us enough. Even if the Aryans actually did invent Arabic numerals, this is not a great time to bring it up.”

----- o -----

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

STREET CLEANING

On my block, no-parking due to street cleaning is 1 – 3pm, Tuesdays my side, Fridays the other side. A violation is probably around $35. The good news is that they actually clean the streets during those times. The meter-maid precedes the sweeping vehicle by a couple of blocks. So if you get a ticket, at least you know that you actually got in someone’s way.

Not so in Los Angeles, where the street-cleaners come around only once a month, but the meter maids (parking enforcement officers) come around every week. So, if you get a ticket in Los Angeles for violating street-cleaning parking restrictions, chances are they didn’t clean the street that day anyway.

The city council, in response to citizen complaints about this, admitted that it seemed unfair, but that the existing revenue stream coming from weekly ticketing was funding necessary programs, and that, blah, blah, blah, the overall best thing for the residents of Los Angeles was to continue the weekly ticketing. So it’s actually a strange kind of hidden tax, a regressive tax.

This in the long run is terrible public policy and breeds disrespect for the law. Law and penalty must serve a public purpose other than just generating public revenue. It’s not a huge deal. I thought of it because I just heard the street cleaner rumble by.

Consider how pathetic is the job of the meter maid in LA giving tickets when no street cleaning will happen. Obviously parking officers have personal goals that brought them to their jobs, and the compensation is probably pretty high in relation to skill level, but there is no value delivered. It’s a charade. It’s soul-less.

----- o -----

Sunday, September 24, 2006

from: MY MUSICAL EDUCATION, 2

I was twenty-five, but still FSN (fairly snot nosed), living in a large bay-windowed room in a substantial house in Ashbury Heights, just below mount Olympus, with artsy-crazy housemates, and I was still playing the flute a little.

Through conductor Norman Masonson, a true light in my early life, I had met briefly another gay musician, Neal LoMonaco. Neal was an accomplished cellist who was building a career as a soloist, which is quite daring compared to taking a secure job in an orchestra, for which he was completely qualified.

We discovered that Neal lived just a block away from me in Ashbury Heights, and there were the usual let’s-get-togethers. There was no particular sexual chemistry or any other reason to see each other, but Neal was certainly nice enough.

One gentle autumn evening, after work, I smoked some exceptional marijuana before setting out for a walk down toward Haight Street. A few doors onto Masonic I heard a cello though the open windows at the front of a house.

I wonder if that’s Neal, I thought. At the top of the stairs one of the doorbells was labeled LoMonaco, so I pushed it.

I told Neal that I heard him playing and wondered if I could just sit and listen. I’d brought a joint of that great stuff and he got really stoned. Then he returned to his cello and I reclined in a comfy chair across the room.

Neal was about to play when he got an idea. He picked up his chair and his instrument and brought them and sat right in front of me so that my knees were maybe twelve inches from the strings. And for the next hour or so he played Bach, for me. To be closer I’d have had to climb into the soundbox. At that range the music was tactile.

I think that in the days of Bach, chamber music was so called because it was intended for performance in a room, chamber, of some noble person’s living quarters, not for an assembled audience, but for the inhabitants of the house.

Bach wrote the delightful “Goldberg Variations” for a court-harpsichordist friend of his named Goldberg, who had been tasked with helping his insomniac patron fall asleep. You can imagine the grumpy patron tossing and turning, maybe using the chamber pot, while poor Goldberg played in trepidation.

But regardless of rank or riches, no listener in the history of the world has ever been closer to a cello being played by a virtuoso than I was that Indian-summer evening in 1973, an exceptional and unexpected pleasure obtained because I was brave (or stoned) enough to ring a near-stranger’s doorbell.

I doubt if I ever saw Neal again. There was no reason to and soon I was out of that scene. He died at age 41 of AIDS in 1987.

----- o -----

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

GRAVE PISSING

I thought Pud would be happy to hear that Alfredo Stroessner had died. The tin horn dictator of Paraguay, host to Nazi fugitives including Martin Bormann and Josep Mengele, oppressor of his people, crook, murderer, and, of course, ally of the United States, died last month. Pravda provides a nice little obit.



Instead of elating, the news annoyed my friend Pudinhand Wilson. “Another goddamn grave to piss on,” he said.

Turns out Pud has a list of graves that he feels obligated to desecrate. “There’s no way these fuckers deserve to rest in peace!”

Pud feels bad—because he’s so lazy, he hasn’t gotten around to pissing on any graves yet—time’s running out and the list of sites requiring Pud’s attention grows exponentially, like the world’s population.

“You know, Pud,” I said, “there must be plenty of people just like you, who, for one reason or another can’t make it to Paraguay to desecrate Stroessner’s grave. The next best thing would be to see video of someone else doing it. That way they could rest assured that his grave actually had been desecrated. Here’s the ideal business for you—travel, pee, travel, pee, etc. I don’t know how you’d market it… I’m thinking something like Girls Gone Wild.”

“You’re a genius!” Pud said as he jumped to his feet to do his “dance of cogitation.”

“This is sensational! My mission in life has been revealed. I gotta renew my passport, cash in some CD’s, get a video camera, and I’m off.”

“Pud,” I said, “it was a joke.”

“One man’s joke is another man’s toke,” Pud said dismissively.

“What about karma?”

“You mean that hippie chick in high school, Karma McIntyre? We’re the only two guys in our graduating class who never fucked her. Man, talk about free love!”

“No, asshole,” I said, “I mean the future of your soul.

“If you weren’t such a procrastinating piece of shit you already would have done it. You don’t have to go to Paraguay to find a grave worth pissing on. There’s probably a dozen fascists buried within an hour’s drive from here.”

“Yeah, fuck you.” Pud said, “I should have let you die.” When Pud says this, it means he wants to move on to some other line of thought, thank God.


----- o -----

Sunday, September 17, 2006

GARY SNYDER'S POEMS SUCK BIGTIME

In a recent post my blog-mentor sfmike covered an art opening that included a wall hanging (oversized beach towel) supposedly some famous mandala, which was contributed by “poet Gary Snyder, no less.”


I chided Michael for being impressed by mere fame, and challenged him to identify two “really good” poems by Gary Snyder.

Later I googled upon an essay about Gary Snyder, supposedly a glowing one, by Kenneth Rexroth (same challenge). Rexroth’s essay includes the following:

I once long ago said to Gary that Buddhism was the assumption of unlimited liability for the community of love, and Gary said, “The best way to put that is unlimited interiority in the community of love.” For the Buddhist vision is the empirical, prime reality. Nirvana is samsara. The world is the transcendent. Illusion is illumination. The disciple holds up a flower and Buddha laughs, and all the Buddhas of all the Buddha worlds of all the infinities of infinities light up and laugh. The point is flower. How right the interbellum culture was to make a saint of that sick man, Kierkegaard. There is no interiority there, only a horrified utter exteriority. “Who is Buddha?” “I think I’ll cook bean cake for supper.” In the necklace of Shiva every diamond reflects every other and is itself reflected.

If you think that maybe the above paragraph is anything but nonsense, then you might be able to form a similar opinion about Gary Snyder’s poetry. For me Buddha-bullshit is no more or less interesting than Jesus-bullshit or Mohammed-bullshit.

Here’s some basic stuff by Gary Snyder. This is the kind of crap that gives poetry a bad name.

So, rather than be completely negative I’ll mention a really good poet who shows up in some of the modern poetry anthologies along with Gary Snyder. His name is Jackson Mac Low. I haven’t actually read much of him, except for a few delightful anthology pieces, but for some reason his name came to mind when I asked myself, Who of that generation (besides the obvious Allen Ginsberg, Edward Field, Michael McClure) was a “real” poet.




The first thing I found on the net by Jackson Mac Low is exquisite, “9 Light Poems.” They have the same strong voice, the same command that I remember from reading him years ago, and the same wonderful shtick--exasperation rescued by playfulness.

You be the judge.

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Saturday, September 16, 2006

P. Wilson: THE BOOK OF CHRISTIAN TORTURE

I can understand a docile press, I guess, but where’s the goddamn clergy?

There’s been a ton of discussion about US treatment of international detainees (not to mention domestic police practice) in the news lately. Much of the discussion centers on whether the US is bound by international laws and treaties. Another part of the discussion is whether specific techniques amount to “torture.” The third consideration is whether it is advisable in the long run for the US to employ torture. Bringing up the rear is any thought of whether or not torture is moral.




On this last issue we’ve heard barely a peep out of our Christian nation’s Christian clergy. I’m going to end that, by compiling definitive opinions from representatives of any and all Christian denominations currently operating in the United States.

It’ll be pretty simple. The table of contents will be a list of interrogation/torture techniques currently in use around the world.

For each technique, e.q., electrodes clipped to testicles for electric shocks, clergymen would answer just three questions: Would Jesus do it?, Is it ok for a Christian minister to participate? Is it ok for a regular Christian to do it?

We could rank the various torture techniques from mildest to most extreme. So we could see at what level each denomination drops their approval. Some sects might approve holding a gun to a prisoner’s head, but would disapprove actually killing him.

This would also pertain within a particular technique. Some sects might approve sleep deprivation by blasting loud music, as long as it’s Christian music. Other sects might say any music was ok. Or, when it comes to throwing uncooperative prisoners out of helicopters, most ministers would agree that the number tossed to their deaths should be limited to what’s necessary to extract cooperation from the remaining prisoners.

Of course there would be a really juicy appendix of torture techniques actually employed throughout history by Christian denominations. This will ensure perv-sales.

Interested agents, publishers, contributors, please reply by comment to this post.


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Thursday, September 14, 2006

PUD'S IMPEACHMENT ADVICE

You dumbfuck democrats talking about impeaching Bush:

The impeachment of Clinton was a colossal parody of what impeachment should be. It wasted money and time and attention. I want my congresspeople to spend their time making life better for us, not fucking around with impeachment. Of course, there is sufficient cause to impeach Bush, but is there necessary cause? I think you have better things to do with your time. Please, give us bread, not circuses.

However, if you really must do some impeaching, impeach Cheney. Almost everybody hates that fucker, as opposed to Bush, whom some people seem to like personally, perhaps because he’s not threateningly cerebral.

So, the line is: Bush is a good guy who was betrayed by his vice-president. It was Cheney how got us into Iraq, Cheney who ordered Abu Graighb, Gitmo, and rendition for torture. Heck, it was Cheney who picked Rumsfeld and together they undermined that nice light-skinned Black man Colin Powell (we’ll forget that Powell told lies to the UN that got thousands of people killed, apparantely in exchange for x-billions of AIDS help for Africa, figuring, I suppose, that death is death).

Who the heck is going to step forward to defend Cheney? People voted for Bush, not necessarily for Cheney. Cheney’s going to die soon anyway, God willing. And Bush is just a beer stain on the pages of history, he isn’t even worth impeaching. Going after Bush is like impeaching Howdy Doody and letting Buffalo Bob go free.


Look it up, Congress can impeach any federal officeholder, not just the president.

There’s your marching papers, you puling excuses for leaders. Why does it take some dopey slacker with the name Pudinhand Wilson to think this shit up for you?

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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

ONE TWO PUNCH

"I'm getting tired of the blues."
Pudinhand Wilson

Pud wants me to the help Democrats by telling them a useful word to use in the upcoming campaign. He wants me to write it a hundred times.

Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less Warrant-less.


So I'm thinking: why don’t the Dems press the Repubs on this? It’s so obvious. Nobody on the face of the earth is opposed to wiretapping. Equally, none of us wants to give the cops blanket permission to enter our homes without a warrant, which is Bush’s program exactly. The administration has never explained why FISA warrants can’t be obtained.

So I'm thinking, What IS the relationship between the Democrats and the Republicans? Finally, after watching my five-millionth episode of Law and Order, it dawned on me—good cop/bad cop.

The Republicans are the bad cops, the Democrats the good cops. They work together to extract from the citizenry not a confession but their consent to be governed, and of course, taxed. That consent is expressed in the vote.

By this logic, those who don’t vote, at least here in America in 2006, are the one’s who have wised-up

Alexander Cockburn’s recent piece deals with the pathetic hope that electing democrats will somehow do some substantial good.

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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

WHAT'S NEW?

“All important issues are re-examined and re-debated every generation, and a new generation is born daily.” Pudinhand Wilson.


So some illegal immigrant lady, who is under court order to report for deportation, has flouted the judge’s order and is holed up in the storefront church of a Chicago Methodist congregation, having accepted their offer of “Sanctuary.”

I remember learning about sanctuary in fifth grade World (actually European) History. The principle of Sanctuary applied in Europe when the church, the Roman Catholic Church, had authority superior to that of any political entity. And it was used exclusively to protect high level courtier types who found themselves on the political outs locally but were still favored by the church.

When I’m in charge, the Methodist bishop of Chicago would already be in jail for harboring a fugitive.



The judge who had Boy George do a community service sentence in full public view (street cleaning) should be voted out. America needs less not more of Boy George.

Pud thinks Boy George is all about heroin. It’s the sort of music he could perform on the nod. And the junkies listening to it would say, “He’s just like us and he’s making millions of dollars!”

I suppose he had something to do with androgyny or sexual identity, but what a bad exemplar! You’d have to go pretty deep into real perversity to find anything as unwholesome as the marketing invention that is Boy George.



So good for Jon Benet Ramsey, America’s favorite fantasy-molest, her death was not in vain. The arrest of a suspect today should keep Boy George out of the news for a while.

A few juicy twists in the Jon Benet case, followed the capture of Osama, should occupy the news through October, and, throw in a couple of terror plots, the Republicans CAN retain control of both houses come November.



And reporters in prison! The two Chronicle reporters are currently under threat in the BALCO case, and Josh Wolf is actually in jail. This is bad and painful. But almost as painful is having to listen to the arguments, once again, for why we need a free press.

BTW: Josh Wolf, according to his website, was almost visited at his Federal Correctional Facility, by Judith Miller. The mention treats it as some sort of validation. In fact, Judith Miller is a scumbag, a disgrace to professional journalism who is morally drowning in Iraqi blood.

Her visit was “almost” because she wasn’t an approved visitor. I’m sure she knew this in advance. Lucky for Josh that a meeting with Judith Miller didn’t soil his resume.

With news like this I can sort of understand why terrorists would want to make their own.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

from MY MUSICAL EDUCATION

A wiry, sort of nervous guy named Raymond Ojeda had a little wind-only sheet music shop in the Tenderloin in the early 1970’s.

The couple times I, a TSN (true snot nose) flute student, bought music there I also received some professional musician perspective from Mr Ojeda himself.

Ray was a bassoonist for the SF Symphony but he wasn’t a totally happy camper. The way he talked he was always about to be fired, or about to quit. There was politics that went way over my head.

One of Ray Ojeda’s rants was about the goddamn German repertoire they’d been playing in recent years (I think Josef Krips was conducting then). “And,” he said, “it’s all because of the Jews. The fucking Jews out-German the Germans.” I guess “the Jews” were major benefactors, darn them.

“Beethoven, Beethoven, Beethoven. They’d make us play a Beethoven symphony on every program if they could.”

Then he’d extol the glory days of Pierre Monteux, who played plenty of French music.

“The difference between French and German music is the same as the difference between French and German food,” Ray said.

From my point of view it would be great to be a professional musician. What’s to complain about? My mom, who grew up around some musicians understood the precarious financial circumstances of most of them.

When we moved back to San Francisco when I was ten, we had some weather stripping done by a carpenter who used to be a violinist in the SF Symphony. His story was that he had to get away from his deadbeat musician friends. He, the carpenter, had made a decent living with the symphony and lessons and all, but his musician friends were always broke and always wanting to borrow money from him. So he became a carpenter.

So much for high art.

BTW: Pud googled Raymond Ojeda. He died in 1989, the notice said, shortly after retiring from the SF Symphony. Probably bitched the whole time.

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Monday, August 14, 2006

SPIRAL ARMS


Hurricanes and galaxies both have spiral arms. Pud is comforted that there are repeated patterns, that everything is not random.

I wonder what the force is?

Pud says he expects there are spiral arms at the atomic or sub-atomic levels

Pud looks it up. Great web site. The essence of science is admitting what you don’t know.

Voila—no relation between spiral arms of hurricanes and those of galaxies.

Pud is encouraged—it shows a paradigm, spiral-armedness, that exists at a level higher than the forces creating hurricanes and galaxies.

Like tree trunks and volcanos share going-upedness.

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

HEY JOE, TAKE A HIKE

That a loyal lackey of the ruling class could be defeated by a grassroots candidate shocked the ruling punditocracy.

“They’re acting as if the electorate turning out an incumbent is a gross aberration,” I said.

“It is,” my Phi Beta Kappa poli-sci major brother replied.

The newscasters are shocked because they too are loyal lackeys of the ruling class. They sold their souls for what they deemed a good price to a buyer who they thought could honor the deal.

They missed the spes-res ratio. The transfer of the soul to the devil (ruling class) happens immediately upon the telling of the first big lie (res). But the payoff, (job, wealth, prestige--spes) is meted out over time and is contingent upon the telling of additional, even more harmful lies.

The Lieberman loss shows that a guy can wind up without his soul AND without his job.

Lieberman claimed his loss was due to “the old politics of partisan polarization.” Wait a second! “Partisan”? This was a democratic primary, it’s all the same party. These fucks will say anything.

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

TIME WELL SPENT

On one of last week’s warm afternoons my old friend Dennis and I took sandwiches and sodas to a recreational area in the Oakland Hills that’s part of the East Bay Regional Park. This is about as close to a road trip as I get these days.

In the car Dennis applied some Coppertone tanning lotion which, I‘d forgotten, is the hallmark smell of summer vacation.

We ate at one of the picnic tables scattered throughout a stand of second-growth redwoods. Dennis said they were probably a hundred years old, mere youngsters for the species. I could get my arms around the trunks.

The air had just the slightest movement. Occasional crow (gdmf) caws ricocheted off the bare trunks. And from across the parking lot came the most beautiful music of all, the whoops and screams of little kids at the swimming pool.

After eating we lay on our backs on the picnic table benches looking up through the branches at the sky. After a while I noticed that one or two trees were swaying slightly with the breeze.

I asked Dennis why only a couple of the trees were swaying.

First, we couldn’t be sure that all the trees WEREN’T swaying, only that some were swaying differently from the others.

“Maybe those trees are a little taller than the others, so they’re catching more wind,” Dennis said.

All my friends are geniuses.

There are a couple of Quicktime movies of ROBERTS RECREATION AREA at the bottom of the page linked. Look for the movies with “Roberts” in the name.

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Sunday, August 06, 2006

PUD DONATES

He was really proud of himself:

“I just donated ten bucks to the Westboro Baptist Church,” he said. “I know you’re going to ask what the Westboro Baptist—

“No,” I said, “I’m going to ask you where you got ten bucks. You owe me twenty.”

“Ok, so it was YOUR political donation,” Pud said coyly.


Pud is such an asshole! Westboro Baptist Church is the home of Rev Fred Phelps, who leads daily protests against gay people. Lately he’s been demonstrating at funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq. His point is that America tolerates homosexuality so God punishes America by having American soldiers killed.

Congress has considered legislation to restrict his proximity to military funerals, a drastic measure just to deal with the behavior of one crackpot and his few followers.

His entire point of view is GOD HATES FAGS. In fact, the home page of the Westboro BC is godhatesfags. Check it out, it’s a hoot. He actually has a counter showing the number of days that Matthew Shepherd has been IN HELL!

On one page he breaks down the meaning of each word in GOD HATES FAGS, complete with biblical references. For HATE, he supplies:

the doctrine of reprobation or God's "HATE" involving eternal retribution or the everlasting punishment of most of mankind in Hell forever (e.g., Leviticus 20:13,23, Psalm 5:5, Psalm 11:5, Malachi 1:1-3, Romans 9:11-13, Matthew 7:13,23, John 12:39-40, 1 Peter 2:8, Jude 4, Revelation 13:8, 20:15, 21:27, etc.),

Note: per Phelps’ interpretation, God sends most of mankind to hell forever, to punish them.

“Anyway,” Pud said, “if we gay-commie-acidheads could chose the person to represent the world view we despise, Rev Phelps is it. We want more of him, not less. He’s the poster boy of the anti-gay agenda. You’re either for him or against him.”

Donations can be sent to: Westboro Baptist Church, 3701 W. 12th Street, Topeka, KS 66604.

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

QUEEN NOOR FOR PRESIDENT


Total babe. Really smart. Very well spoken. Seemingly well intentioned and non-partisan. Speaks Arabic. And she’s a damn queen. Check out her website.

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